How to get a friend with benefits?

Sex whenever you want without any commitment sounds great to many guys, but how do you get a friend with benefits? It’s not the easiest thing to find as the majority of girls prefer a romantic relationship. So in this post, I’m gonna explain exactly where to find one and how to make it happen.

Friend with benefits, fuck-buddy, fuck friend, cuddle buddy, bed friend, playmate. There are hundreds of ways to describe a friend with benefits all with slightly different connotations. So what exactly is it?

On the latest episode of LustCast, Kiara Lord and I talked about friends with benefits and first, we tried to decide what it was. We both had different views.

Kiara felt a friend with benefits is someone you simply use for sex and nothing else. For her, that means no sleepovers, no dinners, no activities together. And don’t even think about ordering a pizza after sex.

Whereas I felt a friend with benefits is more intimate than that. Personally, I don’t like to have sex with someone I wouldn’t want to hang out with. So I think a friend with benefits is someone you see a maximum of once per week in a non-committed way. I think it totally fine to hang out and do things together.

What we did agree on is that with a friend with benefits you have freedom. There is no commitment, no responsibility and you can see other people if you want to. In other words, the holy grail!

Men vs women

We also agreed that women generally see friends with benefits differently to us. Girls get more attached and find it hard to have a relationship of any kind that has no potential.

Girls can often think they’re in a romantic relationship only to feel crushed when they find out their partner just thinks it’s casual, which means friends with benefits tends to be less appealing for girls once they experienced this once.

This is supported by one study showing 69% of women were hoping it would lead to more and around 50% of girls that tried having a friend with benefits saying they would not do it again.

That means that if you are going to enter into a friend with benefits relationship with a girl then you have some responsibility to communicate with her if you don’t want to be a dick. It’s not cool to lead people on or play with their emotions.

How to get a FWB

Getting a friend with benefits is almost identical to finding a romantic relationship. Ultimately nearly all relationships start out as a form of friends with benefits, even if it’s not something discussed.

It’s rare that two people will have instant passion, emotion and love from the first moment they meet. Usually, it’s something that’s built up over time. And during that time the relationship is looser. You have more freedom. There is less responsibility and commitment.

So the best advice I can give you is to just be cool and meet girls as you normally would. DO NOT say that you are looking for a friend with benefits. This is a huge red flag for girls and will stop you from finding someone in most cases.

It’s not normal. It sends a signal to most girls that will make them think “what’s wrong with this guy, is he emotionally damaged?\”

When the conversation about what you are looking for comes up you should say that you just want to get to know them, have fun and see what happens. Or some variation of that. You absolutely should be open to a relationship because only a fool would close themselves off from love.

That said, we are talking about getting a friend with benefits and I find it tends to work best with people you really like but where there are practical barriers to having a relationship.

That means look for partners with age gaps, big lifestyle differences, incompatible values (one wants children) or anything else that makes a long term relationship impossible but something casual still rewarding and fun.

Where to get a friend with benefits

Getting a friend with benefits is no easier or harder than finding a romantic relationship. It’s just no different. The better thing to think about is where to find a friend with benefits.

For most people, this is the bigger challenge and you do need to be careful as we are looking for a relationship that will most likely end.

Your existing friends

Trying to sleep with your friends

It’s called friends with benefits so it’s only natural you might start trying to sleep with your friends. If it’s a close friend then this is almost always a seriously bad move.

In most cases, you will just destroy the friendship when it’s over and make the dynamic awkward in your friend group. You could even lose more than one friend if it goes really bad.

At the same time, meeting people within your friend group is so much easier than meeting a brand new person. The best options tend to be looser friends, friends on the periphery of your friend group. Or friends of your friends.

Chances are they will already know you a little and have things in common with you so it’s really easy to take things a little further.

Dating apps

A couple using a dating app

It’s hard not to discuss dating apps. Particularly as many are marketed as “hook up apps\” or have an option for finding a friend with benefits.

The problem here is the intense competition. Men usually outnumber women by at least 20-1 so all but the most attractive men are going to have to lower their standards a little or put huge effort into their profile to stand out and look swipeable.

It’s really important to not look creepy or weird in your photos and bio. Do your best to look like a functioning and happy human male. Don’t look too desperate and don’t look too much like a fuck boy.

Personally, I like to see what words are common on female profiles in my local area and use them for inspiration so at least I know people will read my bio and feel we match.

And remember, make sure you don’t say you’re looking for a friend with benefits as your matches will drop off a cliff.

Swinger and sex dating sites

Swings at a beach

These are just terrible ideas. Swinging is its own scene. It’s very different from having a friend with benefits. If you’re into that scene then you probably won’t be reading this and looking for a friend with benefits as you will be swinging instead.

And sex dating sites are almost exclusively scams. There are girls on these sites looking for guys for casual sex but generally, men outnumber girls by 100-1 or event 1 000-1. Sometimes even more depending on how scammy they are.

Chances are you will be chatting with a fake profile that exists just so you don’t cancel your expensive subscription.

I should say that in some countries there are some legitimate sex dating sites but even the non-scam ones have so many men on them the chance of getting laid with someone you like is almost zero.

Your colleagues

Colleagues and friends with benefits

This one sounds like a terrible idea at first. It could go wrong and make your job an uncomfortable place to work or you could get a bad reputation in the workplace.

Whatsmore, many workplaces specifically ban their employees from having relationships. But if you think about it, that just means it’s more likely you will both keep it as a secret bit of fun and when something is forbidden it’s a little bit hotter too!

Your colleagues make great friends with benefits because you are on the same schedule, you already know each other but you also all have your own life and friend groups.

There are some colleagues you should stay away from though. That’s anyone that’s employed by you or that you have power over. Coming onto your workers is sleazy as fuck.

At best you will get a horrible reputation and at worst an employee could accuse you of sexual harassment or rape for abusing the power you had over them. Someone may have sex with you because they are worried they could lose their job and this is just so wrong.

So the workplace is a great place to find a friend with benefits but it has some pretty major risks. And that’s before we consider that 22% of married people met at work so you might get more than you expected.

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